Another guest post from Eleanor D. Van Natta over at Sage By Nature. If you haven’t already be sure to read her other guest posts Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3. You can also check out more of her writing on her horse blog.
It would have been a lot easier on some of us horse loving girls if Cupid rode a horse instead of flew with wings.
Then perhaps he would understand our devotion to our horses and our dilemmas when we get married and have or want a horse.
Get Your Horses First, Ladies
When I married my husband, my biggest mistake was that I didn’t get the horse before I married him.
It seems that when I found my dream horse, he decided that his dream of being the one and only seemed to have died.
I am no counselor or expert, but I have attained a certain amount of expertise in the area of horse-husband relations over the past 8 years.
I can sum up some key advice with the acronym EQUINES
Engage your husband as much as possible and as much as he is willing with the horse, like taking pictures or movies of you riding. If the horse seems like some affair you head off to with some unknown confidant it will only exacerbate things.
Quality time is better than quantity when it comes to time spent with either your horse or your husband. Give quality time to each and the relationships and bonds will suffer less.
Understanding of what is driving the negativity surrounding your horse in the relationship – the horse is probably just a convenient excuse that is hiding the real issue(s).
Investing in your relationship with your spouse – the one you fell in love with and married – at least as much as the one with your horse will bring many dividends.
Negotiate and compromise but hold onto your dreams, work through the issues, and hold out hope.
Enjoy your time with your horse! Don’t waste time at the barn or riding by being distracted and fretting over what’s going on at home unless it leads you to some clearer thinking about possible solutions.
S**! Its last but not least; I am no Dr. Joy, but if this area isn’t ok in your marriage than the horse problem will seem even bigger – like any other issue in a marriage. Give your husband a positive association and memory of horses – roll in some sweet alfalfa hay and smear horse sweat on yourself, then go home to your husband and have a roll in the hay with him. Ya never know until you try…
Choose Your Horses (And Men) Wisely
I think I was lucky that I picked a gorgeous blonde Palomino mare instead of some gelding, or heaven forbid a stallion. But if you already have that stallion, my final advice is to not make any comparisons that will be seen as threat to your husband’s manliness.
Eleanor Van Natta is a wife, a mother of two little girls, and a caretaker to one dog, one cat, and one horse. She has a Zoology degree from the University of CA, Davis, and prior to becoming a stay at home mom she had a career in environmental and pharmaceutical sales. You can find more of her writing on her website: Sage By Nature.